TOMORROW, tomorrow!

I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a DAY AWAY.

I'm really excited for New Year's.

Only problem is Briana isn't very excited and it's kind of putting a slight damper on my excitedness.

:(

Mentionization

I noticed that a lot of guys that are in Iraq and that are in Fort Hood are heavy drinkers.


Hmm.......
I WONDER WHY?
lol.

SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
That's how my night went.
BLAH. Haha okay yea. It really sucked.
The guy who held the party apparently cancelled and didn't tell many people. He was "sick". I was entirely too disappointed and wanted to go home.
Calvin lost major points last night.
Lol there's still Dayton.
SUCKATASH!SUCKATASH!
SUCKATASH!

Genie At The Bottom Of The Bottle.

"HE OWES ME ONE LAST WISH!"

Hahaha soooo tonight's not going as well as I'd hoped. Today went really good though
-Woke up [yes... to a phone call like always, but whatever]
-Texted for a good three hours
-Left to the mall w/Briana
-She bought my Christmas present [I♥ PEACE!]
-We ate and she bought a new shirt
-Theeennn we went to her house and watched...... these Missouri.. idk some kind of informational sex videos for teens
-Left to her mom's job and etc.

BUT TONIGHT.
This guy, Daniel, had invited me to go out to a movie [Juno] and for drinks or something like that.
He hasn't contacted me since like 1something earlier today.
WHATEVEEEERRR.
And Calvin invited me to this Hoes & CEOs party. I was going to go, but he made up some crap about not wanting to go.....
Gawd guys are sucking tonight.
AdioS

Everyyyythannnggg.

Can we try A Little More Personalll?
LIFFFEEE
It's interesting.
Parties, New Years, Resolutions, Dresses, Dates.

LIFFFEEE.
Haha.
Hm. Well Lets see
Dayton- my favorite
Calvin- a close second, way less shy [than Dayton], more extroverted
Josh- Ehh.
New guys- whatever.
OK Calvin! Yes, he came onto the Erin Scene a long time ago. I've known him longer, but he's a little louder than I'd like.... I could convince him to let me talk... right?
MMHM Dayton! He's a newbie to the Erin Scene... But I really like something about him. Yes, he's chunky, but he's got that TOOTH that turns me the hell on.
But he's a horndog.
That's not good!
Calvin's completely the opposite when it comes to that subject. I mean he's apparently fascinated by sex, and things of that matter, but he [I don't think] has ever done it before, therefore he isn't emcumbered by the thought of it on a per-minute basis.
Me and Calvin have a date tomorrow. Japanese food and Sweeney Todd.
I'm excited!
Dayton apparently wants a relationship with me but, can't have one without a healthy sexualness to it.
Soooo I'm a little torn. We'll see how tomorrow goes I suppose.

ADIOS

I Love How I Go Through Soo Many Guys!

Its hilarious.
&& sad.
Haha. Anyways.. so I'm almost a month into the new school year, and I haven't even made an entry yet!
Sooooo homecoming's coming. I'm superrrr excited. Nooo I haven't been asked, but thats below the point because I just want to have fun with my friends!
I've been setting my heart up to meet new people and its been... kind of difficult. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it takes me (and everyone else) to get into the swing of being around a bunch of new people from different schools &things like that.
Soooo yup.
:)
Life's pretty good. My mom's buying my dress in two weeks and helping me pay for accessories on my mum in four... I'm pretty happy besides the fact that I've got superbad allergies right now. Its a PAINNNN. But yeah today was pretty good, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. I want a boyfriend though.
I would like a REAL, long lasting, considerate, respectful, cute, adorable, nice, smart boyfriend... with a car.. or reliable transportation of some sort.
:)
That'll be all.
NITE

SAVEME

Haha I'm kidding i'm perfectly fine.
I'm such a freakin weirdo!
And what guy was I talking about two entries ago?
lmfao wtfff.

Adios

Wooooahh I Never Meant To Break

But I've got him where I want him now.

Tonsilitis
Sinus Infection
Upper Respiratory Infection.
All are clearing up now because I went to Primacare yesterday to get prescriptions and stuff.
Thank GOD for Auntie Renata.
:)

HmmmmUM?

I feel like TOTAL crappppP!
I've got either strep throat or tonsilitis! (Most likely tonsilitis though according to my doctor's phone diagnosis)
And whichever I have REALLY sucks! It's soooo painful!
The left side of my throat feels like HELL turned over and I can't do anything to completely stop the pain.
:(
But I did find a boy who will hopefully be around for a lonngtime.

Mary Jannneeee

Wow long time no write, right?
Sooo much has happened.
-END OF SCHOOL yaaayyy
-Funnnn summer things
-Saw TRANSFORMERS w/BRIANA!! Omg it was awesome!
-Got into contact with Chrissy and FINALLY hung out twice!
-Went to San Antonio!
-Lakehouse 2 times so far!
-Met David (I'd rather not talk about that... he taught me a major lesson and that's all I'll give him credit for.)
-Met some pretty cool people (Nicole, others at Bri's party, Anthony [he's a new cool people just met him today])
-Got a reasonable curfew!!! 12:00!
-Briana's party!
-Finally realized that giving things up isn't the way to get what you want.
- Killed my computer
-Worked on getting a new one
-Got Arthur's computer.... for the time being.
-Got yelled at for leaving without permission
-Snuck out!
-Haven't been FORCED to get a real job!
Yeah this summer has been pretty good for the most part. I've enjoyed myself waaay more than any other summer!
And it's not over yet! But I've done a lot this week so I'm going to kinda chill for the time being!

Peaceoutt

May 9th

I'ma supermodel and mami see mami.
I'm fat and pretty.
Now if only I could say it with my voice. Haha.
I've been talking to David a lot since I stopped calling Jon.
It's actually not nearly as hard as I made it seem.
Easy, actually.

Can I Buy You A Drank?

I always say I'm going to (or not going to) do something, then I put my trust into play and I do it.
Of course, I'm speaking of having sex with Jon. I don't even want to agree with my memory that I even did it. He's not answering my calls. It's annoying. Really.
When he was over Friday, he refused to let me see his cellphone. I let him see my cellphone even when we weren't even bf/gf...
So I'm like wtf whatever man, that's fucked up. Why not mess around on me like after two months of us being together. I was so closed to ask about "the nerdy girl" on Friday, but I wasn't sure how he would've reacted.
So I'm going to call from my mom's cellphone, and act like everything's fine (as if I really need to take this shit) and once I'm absolutely sure of what I'm going to go..
I'll excute it.

Souhm

He came yesterday.
David wanted me and him to go to his house, I was like hellnaw.
I dunno maybe tonight if I can stand it..
I know what happened so I don't really want to talk about it.
Adios.

He Better Be Coming Tonite.

Nuff Said.

Speaking of The Last Post..

He called me! I didn't give in!
MMMHMMMMMMMMMM. I was so proud of myself.
He was all,
"Why haven't you callllleeeeddd meeeeee?"
Hahahaha. I know right?
This week has been absolutely crazy.
I'll be happy when its over.
There was a huge storm last night. The lights just came back on this morning at like 330 or 4.
Yeaaah I know right? It was loco!
So I'm going to go to sleep or something, I'm tired!

Things Change Soooooo Quickly!!!

I left Jon a msg on Friday saying 'its over'.
Got back with him the next day.
Hardyyy harrr very funny.
But yeah he fell off his arse of a friend's motocross bike. He's too small to be riding one of those things anyway.
:/
Im soo weird. I know right?
YEARBOOKSSS omggg I almost died. I love it so much! I want every blank/autograph page in it absolutely FILLEDDDDD! Srsly!
But yeah back on the other note, I promised I wouldn't call him tonight. Hopefully I keep my promise and like fall asleep or something.
Lol. I'm NOT GIVING UP!
Next thing you know, I'll be apologizing to myself for calling him or something.

Once again, I didn't do anything, and I get cursed out but some fat arse who I don't even know all that well.Well betch, you better go on somewhere because no one did shit to you, and now I'm all torn up over nothing and everything.I'm tired of everything and nearly everyone right now..I give up.
igiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveupigiveup

Everybody Wants To Rule The World

I'm in a really good mood right now. :)

HAPPYHAPPYJOYJOY.
Sry.
Anways me and Jon=great
Me and friends=grreeatt.
Me=grrreatt
ADIOS
:)

I Need A New Life.

If you aren't going to answer my calls then why the hell don't you just tell me to bug off?
Don't be a big bitch about it babe.
Seriously, it's annoying.
So yeah I don't know. As much as I say I really don't care anymore, I know I do, and no matter how many times I say I'm not desperate, it's a lie because I feel a yearning to feel like someone's everything.. or someone's something[!!!] at all.
It's just really hard not really having anyone besides friends to depend on and love.
I really shouldn't need that.
I can't help it though.
So whatever.
Why the hell am I always depressed on Sunday nights?
Fuck.

Everybody's Workin For The Weekend

Haha not really. Well Jon is.
Yeah I'm still talking to him. To my, and I'm sure, Briana's surprise lol.
David started a lot of shit. He should've kept his mouth shut like he said he would. I don't really care right now, I'm not in any sort of commitment or whatever, so it doesn't really matter... as long as I don't get hurt.
Lol last night Briana's mom made us drinks. It was grrrrreeat.
Anoche.. El (Jon) estaba hablando ... de cosas interesantes. Quiere que nosotros vamos a estar juntos.. Como juntos en un apartamento.
Yeah I was like "whaaaat are you serious?" Haha.
I told him he was acting as if he's my boyfriend or something and he said well thats because I am. Haha.
So obviously, I'm still "seeing".

I Was Born.. Long Ago.

Work Quick Sing Slow.
I feel bad.. kinda. I just really am starting to think I'm pretty desperate to replace the emptiness.
& it hurts!!!
Alot!
So I went and hung out with Jon for the first time ever. He's pretty nice and everything, but he's still a little... I guess you could say erotic.
I'm going on a diet. It'll help me feel better.
He did make me feel prettier though.
"You're too pretty to smoke"
"You're so beautiful."
Etc.
He wants to know more about me before he even talks/thinks/whatever about a relationship or whatever.
I've HONESTLY never been in a really real relationship, so I don't know how long that takes.
Maybe two or three more times seeing each other I guess.
But I'm pretty sure we're hanging out again next weekend sometime.
Oh yeyuh. Almost forgot, I also met Steven and Holly. They're cute. Steven's kind of crazy though and they've got three kids.
So Yeah. I don't really know honestly what the heck I'm doing.
I guess we'll just wait it out and see.

Convienences

I don't even know if I spelled that correctly but I know wtf I'm talking about.
I hate when people decide to do things when it's more convienent for them. Isn't that the most retarded thing ever?
I'm sure I probably have done it, and many people do it, but it's really stupid.
Why the hell do I need to be told to get out of my house when my mom thought it was convienent to fuck around?
Wtf is that?
So it's final, I'm getting a job and a car ASAP.
The end.

Te Pienso

Not really haha.
Well I'm waiting for my periodo. It'll be coming soon. I'm just making sure from that rendevouz.
So yeah.

Americans.

I think Americans spend too much time working and not enough time living life.
Was life honestly supposed to be able working all the goddamn time?
Wtf is up with school?
I go for 7 or 8 hours a day and then I've got more schoolwork when I get home just to get a lousy diploma that barely works anywhere anymore.
Damn I hate it here lol.

HarHar

I'm kind of swamped with homework and stuff, but I'll get over it.
Not as mad at my mom anymore, but life is just tiring anyway.
Didn't have internet for almost a whole seven days.
It's horrible lol.
So yeah.
I went on a cita. Fue horrible. Estaba haciendo cosas que no necesita hacer y... yeah.
No se. Pero estoy bien..
Haha he hasn't called or anything since Sunday, so I can't say anything. Not like I would know what to say.
So yepp.
Oh well. Life goes on right? I'll do STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDDD lol things and I'll get over them [hopefully].
This weekend?
Lake house. I think anyways.
Soooooooooo
Haha Idk what else to say.
Night?

I Really Do Hate Her Today.

I hate her for everything she's done to me. Everything she's put me through and all because shes a big selfish bitch.
I hate herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Soo much.
I'm a fucking teenager who's about to be a freaking adult. I DESERVE to have my own life and go to my OWN FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY
omg it's soo frustrating.
I feel like going to my bathroom and drowning myself in the tub.
I need to get out of hereeee.
Really bad.
So I'm asking Renata if she's not busy, if I can stay over her house this weekend.
I cannot stay here. It's either her house, or one of my friends.
But I know that if I stay at her house, I'll be spilling my guts about everything she's been doing.
That includes:
1) Taking the day off work to go "visit" a man she doesn't know.
2) Sending money to some guy she met on the internet in North or South Carolina (I was THERE so I know)
3) Taking all the anger that guy from N. or S. Carolina out on me.

If she's going to have these weird ass relationships with people she doesn't know, I don't want to be around.
So since I barely see her during the week, I need to get out of this fucking house on weekends. I'm tired of being around her.
And by the way, I need to be getting a job soon, because I'm moving out when I turn 18. No, I won't be finished with high school, but I can't stand it here anymore.

I Swerrrrr

If I don't get to go to my OWN birthday party because of my mom..
I'm gonna flip my lid.
And if I flip my lid.
I'm not coming back.

Mom.

Yeah she just told me I couldn't go to my OWN birthday get-together tonight.

What the hell is her problem?
I'm seventeen years old!

Just because okay yes I admit, I'm sorry for coming in at 1130, and "making her stay up late"

Okay CMONNN now.

She stays up every night til basically that time talking on the freaking phone, and I know her a helluva lot better than those assholes.

If I had a seventeen year old daughter I'd definitely let her go out and have lots of fun with her friends on her birthday!

If she continues to say no, I might have to call in reinforcements.

That means Aunt Renata.

She always backs me up when my mom says no to me going somewhere that's not hurting anyone or anything.

And this time I'll remmeber my keys.

So I'm officially banned from the Cinemark on Legacy. For sneaking into an R movie, and lying to the police officer lol about my birthday of all things.

Lol.

I think he let me off because my birthday's today.

So thanks!!

The manager that was all pissy at us was getting really mad. I just kept smiling the whole time. I didnt get mad until we left. I was honestly really pissed. Evan came to get us and he even refunded our tickets since we couldn't.
Anddd wat else?

We went to his house and Steffy started cleaning.. and we went to get his friend Bryan and... yeah.

Tonight was pretty crunk.

Let's hope tomorrow is just as good! Or rather... later today!

Like A Virgin

Lol.
Or a prayer?

Yeah I'm not all too depressed or anything, but Ryan doesn't like me like that.
It's all for the best :) I'm fine though.

Peaceouttttt.

I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend

Okay thats me and then Miranda, Chenise (you can't see much of her besides her leggie) and Me. :)

I loveee Miranda.

She's gonna get all of us together (me her a friend and ryan)

To Go See a Movie.

That's not Miranda.. it's me Steph and Ryan... but whatever..

I hate that one lol but not becuz of Ryan or Steph..

Anyways... I'm going to go do something productive.

Shoo Doo Doo

If I was your girlfriend......
Haha. Thats sooo applicable to the past couple days.
RYANNNNNN. Man ohhh man!
Three people have told me Me and him would be adorable together.
I think so too.
I've given myself a headache contemplating how i should do my hairr.
I dunno.
But yeah so Maggie said I should ask him if he wants to do something..
And then get his number.
She's so smart.
Sooo yeah.
:)
Peaceoutfolks

Your White Tee Well To Me..

Looks like a nightgown.

Yeah yesterday wasn't that good.
I know my mom went downtown and not to run errands.
She was sleeping with some guy she doesn't know.
I just wish I didnt know and then it wouldn't be that big of a deal.


So yeah.
I'm still tired from not answering all 13 of Gerson's missed calls last night
Haha.

Number One!

Eh Eh Eh!



OMG TODAY WAS GRRR8!
Couldn't have asked for a better day after a really bad one. :)
Ryan (yes this is the same Ryan I liked in the beginning of the year)
walked with me to my locker and we talked and stuff like that.
"Is that your bag or your butt?????!!?!?"
"Haha OMG its my bag!!!"
"Oh.. well no matter, I like big butts. I'm like Sir Mix A-lot."

lol He's interesting.

I Posted This On A Myspace Bulletin.

I felt guilty just turning on my bathroom light Sad for all the little kids who don't get the chance to use all the things I do.So yeah, I may be absolutely "retarded" when I talk about moving to a poorer country to do what I love[Help People]But at least I'll be doing something wholly efficient and good with my life.While you might be doing something just because its what your parents wanted you to.:]Not like I'm dissing parents or anything, they always want better for their offspring, but let us do what we want. Ok?I'm not in a very good mood.I can officially say I was in an abusive bf/gf relationship.It's not good.So if he tells you that you can't break up with him, drop him like he's hot and get out of there.You might just be a little crazier, like I am right now.Not to mention, my head hurts like a motherfo.Did I tell you about my friends?CheniseMirandaStephanieAngelRenataMalloryMan, oh man, are they fantastic.Even when I am pissy, or even whining and especially when I'm crying when I say nothing's wrong.

So yeah I'm kinda lazy.
But I'll summarize a little more.
I've tried to keep from having horrible headaches,
But one caught up just now.
I'll be alright, I think.

Wanna Know The Answers

Le Le Low.
Yeah lifes a little bit sad right now.
Friends, family, school are stressing me out.
But I've got something a little more interesting to speak about today.
That would be something that Sandra posted a bulletin about.
Which is basically (as I interpreted it) how stupid we are, and at the same time lucky to have what we have.
I felt bad when I went to use to the toilet and turned on the light and looked in my hugggee mirror turned on my stereo and sat on the toilet.
Most people in the world don't waste shit the way we do. Yet I don't usually go a night without plugging something in to charge or leaving my stereo on or something that really isn't necessary for me to survive.
So I'm pretty guilty of being a stubborn, person who's having use of things that I don't actually need.
Which reinstates me wanting to get out of here ASAP.
I want to go to a place where I don't know anyone, and help people.
Anyway I can, whether it be doing hair, volunteering, etc.
Yeah.

Well, That Was A Big Argument.

Sooo Yeah. I was in a really good mood after telling Gerson off (yaah! he still called for the past two nights but whatever) so I was going to my room and I overhear stuff my mom is saying to some guy on the phone. It upset me. Shes all "I know it's just hard for me, but I know I have to let her go, she'll be gone in like two yrs, etc."
But what really made me mad was "Yeah don't worry I don't mind you moving in with me."
I was dumbfounded.
ABSOLUTELY DUMB-FOUNDED.
So I walked right in and told her I needed to talk to her.
She took her own little time getting off the phone. Fifteen minutes later I'm trying to explain things to her, etc, and I get mad, she gets mad. It was bad.
Lol.
I was crying, telling her how much I hate her, telling her I just wanna leave.
Man. Yeah it was bad.

I don't even feel bad
That's prolly just be being selfish or something I dunno.
And then with Gerson... he called Friday night asking me to come over. Then he passed the phone to Cassandra. Then he got back on the phone and everytime he was like basically almost yelling at me, she didn't even say anything.
I was like well damn fuck you too.
Then she's talking about how I should come visit her, even though she doesn't even bother to call me.
Wtf is up with that?
So I dnno I'm highly ready to blow right about now.
Good thing after this week, no school for a week.
:)
Bye

Espera

I just need to reassure I'm not giving in to pressure everytime something happens to me. Well... I know that I do, but I just need to lie to myself to get myself to believe I'm not "such a sucker for a sweet talker".
By the way, the photo is to remind myself that no matter how many people say I'm "not their type" or that I'm "not pretty", their minds are so utterly warped by televised views of how people should look that it doesn't even matter anymore how much I feel makeup I feel like I should wear (I DO LOVE MAKEUP THOUGH AND I WONT STOP WEARING IT FOR ANYONE!!!), or how much weight I should lose (I'm happy with my weight, get over it), I'll be happier without the people (guys especially) who don't accept me for my faults, etc.
I'm not sure if that made sense... but I feel fine about it.
Sooooo.
My day was actually really good. But (uh ohhh "BUT" lol) I got pretty pissy when I got home. Unless the past couple days when I've been kind of pissy feeling at school and then come home and feel great.
But yeaaah.
I'm ready to be done with high school haha. I want to "get away" and find my calling. Live my life ya know. (Good 'ole American Eagle)

I wish my mom weren't so opposed to me getting a GED and stuff. But I know I could always run off to Mexico and not be found.. and just like appear back here one day to let them (family) know I'm alright. But I don't wouldn't want to hurt my family that much. That's waaay to much for me.

I spent like two hours talking to some guy in NY last night. He kinda scared me. His laugh was absolutely obnoxious. I don't know if I'd be able to listen to that every other night. Lol. It's pretty sad.

Anyways I'm gona get going.
Guys and Dolls tomorrow afternoon.

I Ain't Found One Quite Right Yet.

& lisa don't mind when I call her lesley.

I swear to god I'm in the worst mood ever.
I'm bored and lonely
[abburida y sola]
Andd what else? I've not been speaking to my mom, for her sake. I swear if she says anything else that pisses me off I'll just do what I always do, which is say something really smart and then lock myself up in my room.

So I just am refusing to speak.
At least I did my "Antony's Funeral Oration" thingy in front of class, and didn't mess up too badly (I missed three words "Bear with me") I even was like "O JUDGEMENT!!!" with much enthusiasm.
So I got a 98.
Yaay A+
I'm ready to go travel the world.

Ehhhhhhh

I don't want to catch anything from my mom.
Whatever it is.. it smells funny.

Dame Un Opporunidad

Dame todo lo que tengas.
Today was okay. I've been tired and braiding my hair but it turned out good.
Jasmin is supposed to call me to call that guy to try and get a hold of Cassandra.
I'm still pissed about her never giving me a call or whatever since she knows that guys gonna hang up on me whenever I try, but whatev.

Gerson still calls me and says, "I ♥ you babe."
It's kind of annoying because afterward he says he'll call me later.

Whatever

Scratch That Happiness Shit.

Kind of anyway.
I love playing with people after they've fucked me over.
To to begin with.. I haven't really left my neighborhood since Friday.
I told Gerson I'd go to 2009 with some friends. Turns out he'd made plans to go too. Haha.. that's where it all started. After I gave him my (now all this week-daily) talk about how I want to break it off with him, he sounded all sad and shit. I was all happy and peppy and everything. LOL.
He's been standing outside for a good half an hour "waiting for me". I told him I had to go home because my "friend" (nonexistant) is sick from drinking too much.
Hahahahhaa. Too bad beeeeyoooooooootch.

Formal aka the Gayest Prom Ever

Good thing I'm not going. I was going to, don't get me wrong, I wanted to, but I really don't want to anymore.
So it's good that I didn't buy a dress and ticket.

I called Gerson to finally put an end to my misery. He was working and was "on the stairs" so he wants to "talk later".
He said he'll call me when he gets home.
We'll see about that.
Otherwise... what about today? What am I going to do?
I already put up pictures from my newly torn-up magazine (one of my favorite things to do lol).. Checked just say hi (3 messages from cool peoples)..
I washed my hair last night because I can't use that hair dye. My hair is relaxed and at the time straightened with a flat iron too. Haha two "no's".
So...
Oh yeah Thursday Mrs. Kline (yearbook adviser/teacher) gave me an email from my (hopefull) teacher next year for yearbook, Mrs. Lint, that said to pass on to me some information about a publications camp this July in Downtown Dallas. Sounds fun. Mom said I can go. :-)
THOSE SHOES ARE MYYNEEEE BETCH
Haha I love Kelly. And shoes.
But back to today... I can straighten my hair and style it. And take pictures.
Lol. Funnnn. Oh yeah and guess who's eating Soprano's tonight?
Erinnnnnnn
:-)
I'm actually happy for a change this week.

I Should Be A Maneater.

Then maybe sometimes I wouldn't be so pissed off at them all the time. :)

I've been meeting some pretty cool guys and gals on just say hi though. That's a fantastic website.
So I was pretty pissed at my mom this morning.
She sent 60 bucks to some guy in north carolina... or New york whatever.
WTF is that about???? I dunno but she didn't want to hear what I had to say.
Then she bought me everything I asked for.
Haha. Gosh I'm so superficial.
I can't help that I can be conned. But as you can see, I'm still not over the fact that she cannot spot some type of scam when she's in one.
Oh well. That's gonna be her loss when something happens and he "needs more money for a bill" or something.
Lol.
Otherwise my day went well. Like I said I spent a small fortune. A small piece of her fortune anyway.
I FINALLY GOT A ROBE!
HALLELEUJAH!
Professional hair styling products, etc.
Got my blood take
Fun.
But yeah anyways I'm tired.
NIIGHT
Fun.

I Really Need Someone To Talk To.

But I don't really have many friends here... just lots of really cool acquaintances. Acquaintances are fine... but they can't give you the support you may need when times are rough.
Which is why I really miss Richardson..
Anyways... the "boyfriend drama"
Called him last night to see what was up. I guess he still wants to be with me. I do want to be with him too... but if he's got some lover on the side- why can't I have something on the side?
Exactly. That's one-sided and unfair.
I guess I'll talk to him later about it. I'd rather just be single again. Waaay easier.
So let me give insight to how weekends with him go.
Saturday: I spend most of my day (when the sun's up) getting ready.
He calls when he's outside.
I get in and say hi to anyone who's in the car. Talk and stuff. He always lays his head in my lap or whatever he feels like doing. We might make a couple stops or whatever. If we don't go to 2009 we'll go to his house and watch movies and eat and stuff. Then after all thats over whoever is with us in his house will leave. We might talk for like a little while and then hes ready to get down to business.
Then in the morning hes awake and ready to kind of rush me home asap.

Damn I'm stupid aren't I? It's like I'm a call-girl or something. He doesn't really want anything with me.

Brakin' Up

So I'm kind of messed up right now.
I called him earlier and he answered, he called me around 5 and I answered. I texted him almost half an hour ago and he doesn't answer. I dunno. I kind of am trying to give up now..
Man I feel like I don't have friends. It hurts a lot.
Cassandra called me yesterday.. I don't think I mentioned this. They went to like Cici's or something for her birthday or whatever. Shes all "Yeah I'm going to go get you.. depending on when they leave." I got ready... like 30 minutes pass and I'm like well damn. So I call the number she called me from and it's that ASSHOLE Canuco and he hangs up on me. So I call Luis and I'm like "where are you at"? He says hes on his way to Cici's. So I asked where the hell Cassy was and guess what he says? She's right here u wanna talk to her?
WTF
What the hell happened to me and her going to get something to eat? It pisses me off so badly. She could have called and been like, "Well I can't come get you because they're coming with me or something."
Feel like giving up on her too.
Now Luis isn't even answering me.
It's not even worth it anymore. I keep having suicidal thoughts in my head because whenever I try to help people (not like I'm helping any of them or anything but.. unspecifically) I get fucked over (so not by the same people but I definitely get fucked over)
All I am to those fuckers is a piece of meat.
And for my actions, that's how I deserve to be treated.


I Did It To Myself
Current mood: enraged
I Did This To Myself.
Yepthats my own conclusion.I put up with his shit, which enticed him to do more shit. And I kept putting up with it.I feel like giving up. Just totally not calling him or anything. Dropping it.The problem is.. I still have feelings for him.
I don't understand what his freaking problem is. Who keeps a girlfriend in a whole different country when you don't know when you'll be going back? Who is stupid enough not to delete the freaking messages she leaves you? Who's retarded enough to keep letters exchanged between you next to where your current girlfriend [who actually is a couple miles away instead of a thousand] ALWAYS sits? At least be kind and hide them.
Why did I say be kind? Because honestly, I'd rather not have known. It hurts alot to know that he was borderline not caring whether I found out or not. & he won't even admit that she exists which makes me look crazy.
What's wrong with me? I already know my faults, but I didn't think those would interfere with anything. Why ask me to be your girlfriend if you're going to hide things from me?
The thing that hurts me the most is that... on the inside I knew, but I wouldn't admit it. Then the second thing that hurts alot is that he doesn't even want to talk to me about it.So I give up.

I Did This To Myself.

Yep
thats my own conclusion.
I put up with his shit, which enticed him to do more shit. And I kept putting up with it.
I feel like giving up. Just totally not calling him or anything. Dropping it.

The problem is.. I still have feelings for him.

I Don't Know What To Do.

So let it be known that right now I feel like bawling... but I've kept it down to regular crying.
I thought I could make him a better person. I thought he would stop treating me badly. I'm sad because I did all of this to myself.
My so-called "need" or "want" or whatever for a guy to hold me took over my senses for a good amount of time. Enough time to get hurt. I don't even have anyone to listen to me.
Why do I do these things to myself?? Why am I so stupid??

I Wasn't Prepared For This..

My boyfriend's friend, Luis called me at 3am last night to try and fuck and when I said no, he told me my boyfriend didn't want anything to do with me. He just wants to fuck around.
I almost started crying when he said this. It's really sad, but I'd prefer if he hadn't had told me that. He also said that he had some other girl waiting on him in Guatemala. Which is weird [definitely] because my bf was telling me how (already) he wants to casar and go back to Guatemala and stuff. So if what Luis is saying is true, he's either totally lying, or he's going to use me to get back and then leave me.
Actually scratch that, try to marry me, impregnate me, use me to get back to Guatemala and then leave me.
Shiiiet.
So now this afternoon... I'm going to test my bf to figure out of Luis was telling the truth.
I don't really know what I'm going to do yet... but.. we'll see.
Wish me luck. God I hate luis right now.

Punk!

This week has been completely psycho.
Not as psycho as last week with the whole preggy scare everything, but it's been good psycho.
With yearbook I kind of helped to save a lot of peoples asses because they wouldn't get their butts up and take some pictures.
But then... last night. My boyfriend wasn't making me happy. He's completely..... well his mind is totally sex driven.
It kinda makes me sick, but I do ♥ him.
So guess what I'm doing tomorrow
lol.

Peaceout

Myspace Post

It's totally like don't ask/don't tell.Not with the same circumstances, though.I want to tell her how I feel, but she won't hear it.If I had a 16 going on 17 year old kid [whos waaay independent and intelligent btw] I'd listen to what she has to say.
Anyone know what I should do?

edited 2/4/07 1021P
Lalallaalaohhhhhh ohhhhhhhHHHhH
Hoong kong garden
Oh Oh ohhHHh
I've been listening to this all day..except when I was doing homework and listening to Prince during the half-time show.
I absolutely adore the colts more than ever noww.
:)
I talked to my mom about her "not trusting me". I totally got her to change her mind about her thinking that she doesn't trust me. I'm going out next weekend lol.
Luis is gonna come get me Friday prolly. :)
Started Birth Control this morning. Got kind of confused about the directions... but it's fine now I guess.. But I'm not going to have unprotected sex. So in other words, we're still gonna use condoms.
I have to go in tomorrow morning for Spanish recaps of Spanish Art. HOW EXCITING.

The story on my "best friend' Cassandra.
She's 15, or 16 now I don't remember... well her birthday's prolly passed by now.. well not yet I just remembered its the 12th. She was supposed to call me like two weekends ago. She was living with Canuco and her 17 (or however old he is) boyfriend and her little girl, Carina. I really didn't think it was a good idea. Hionjer doesn't have a job, nor a car, nor do I think he's looking for one. They're both too young. I would help her. She knows I would. I mean duhh what are friends for? But how the hell am I supposed to lend a helping hand to her and her baby if I don't have a clue of where she is?
So I don't know, I'm close to giving up because it's pissing me off.
"Cmon kid don't waste my time
So rich, So Pretty."
Mickey Avalon's So Rich, So Pretty is like the anthem of my life.
Not really.. but I act like it sometimes.


I like a girl with caked up makeup. In the sunshine, smoking cigarettes to pass the time. Who wakes up to a bottle of wine. Or the nice dim lights and scratches the blinds. But i ain't quite found one right yet. So I step with pep to the park or supermarket it. Her apartment best be messy. And Lisa don't mind when i call her Lesley. She's gotta dress with class. In Jean Paul Gaultier and an Hermes bag. And 4 inch tips made of ostrich. Sharp enough to slit your wrists, her lips spread gossip. Won't say sorry when she offends. She comes over to my place in her old man's Benz. In gold and silver and jewels of all colors. She doesn't take them off when we're tearing up the covers. Come on get it 'fore I change my mind. Come on kid don't waste my time. So rich, so pretty The best piece of ass in this whole damn city. So rich, so pretty I like a girl who eats and brings it up. A sassy little frassy with bulimia. Her best friend's a plastic surgeon. and when her Beamers in the shop she rolls the Benz. Manny and Pettys on Sundays and Wednesdays Money from mommy, lovely in versace. Costly sprees it's on at Barneys. And i love to watch her go thru 50 G's calmly. She gets naughty with her pilate's body. And thinks it's really funny when her nose goes bloody. Cuz the blows so yummy and it keeps her tummy Empty, and makes her act more friendly. Dance the night away. And she won't say nothing when she makes a man stray. Come on get it 'fore I change my mind. Come on kid don't waste my time. So rich, so pretty Come on get it 'fore I chnage my mind. Come on kid, don't waste my time So rich, so pretty The best piece of ass in this whole damn city. I've had you come before Mickey. Go get my purse Mickey Lock the door Mickey You're just a midnight snack Shhh Don't talk back. You're just a boy Mickey. You're just a toy Mickey. You're just a boy Mickey. Come on get it 'fore I change my mind. Come on kid don't waste my time. So rich, so pretty The best piece of ass in this whole damn city. [So rich, so pretty] x3 The best piece of ass in the whole damn city.

Hong Kong Garden

I really like music like this.
But one thing I really don't like is my mom being all "mom-like" and telling me she doesn't trust me.
It PISSES THE FUCK OUT OF ME.
REALLY BADLY.
I don't even know if I'll be able to be with my boyfriend next weekend.
"You remember what I told you about the trust thing? It's not just going to appear overnight."
So in other words--- I dont trust you, so don't expect to hang out with your friends for a while. I want to ruin your life, and your relationships. I want to control you because I have no life of my own. I don't want you to make stupid mistakes even though I just put you on Birth Control. Obviously I know what I'm doing, even though deep in the depths of my mind I know you want to jump out your bedroom window and run away with your boyfriend. I think cooping you up in your room with Graycee will make you not want to do anything stupid-- even though you're a teen and you're supposed to make stupi decisions. I look at you, and even though you LOOK mad at me, I'll just pretend you're not. I know I'm doing the right thing, so don't try to make me think otherwise.
I swear if I had the nerve I used to have and just get out that window, I'd be in Dallas in a heartbeat.
I should have fucking let her find out on her own and gone to a freaking clinic.

Cover Up With Makeup In The Mirror,

Tell yourself it's never going to happen again..

That's never happened to me (someone beating me or whatnot), but if it ever were to happen, I don't know what I'd do. Probably get away from that person.
Gerson wants me to ride the freakin train down to Dallas and visit him and stay over his house. I don't know if that can happen because I've never ridden the train by myself before, and I can't think of ONE excuse my mom would believe.
So unless he comes to get me, he's going to have to be irritable.
I start my first round of BC pills tomorrow.
:-)
Did I make an entry yesterday? I don't think so.
-So I apologized (kind of) to Jose and he said he didn't accept it. Oh well. He's getting married soon to his gf so... thats okay with me. He'll get over it soon.
-I slipped and fell on a patch of ice, now I'm in pain. My right arm and right kneecap and the front of my right calf are in PAIIIINNN like reallyreallybad.
-I told Jarrett he's like one of my bestests now. Lol He laughed and said "Well at least you aren't saying that for all the wrong reasons. Most girls want to be my bffs for the wrong reason." That means you're not into my for my looks. (Haha yeah right, Mr Hotass) He prolly thinks that because of my boyfriend, but just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't look at other guys, I just don't act on it.
-My aunt had a guy who wanted me to do his hair, but I didn't have the confidence to do it. The last time I braided my hair, it didn't turn out as good as usual. That's why I haven't done it such a long time.
!
So I don't know, today's kind of like "Whatever happens, happens."
Adiosss I'll write later

edited 2/3/07 250P
My grandmother wrote me an email about how Rick Perry (tx governor) is passing a law to make every school-girl from about the age of 11 get a gardasil vaccine (before they're likely to be sexually active). Gardasil is a vaccine against cervical cancer. I'd have no problem with getting the vaccine. I don't want cervical cancer. But my grandmother said to sign the waiver against it because its 'a ploy for the government to get more money'. So? It probably is, but I'd rather them get more money than die from cervical cancer, which is most likely on the rise.

Sin Explicacion

Besame sin miedo,
Como si fuera ultimo

I lovvveeeeee RBD

---
Just got back from the doctor's office. She's my new one and she's really nice and everything. Pretty easy to talk to and everything. She gave me a prescription for orthotricyclen. So I'm getting it filled tomorrow. Kinda exciting I guess. I'll finally get my fill too.
My boyfriend's on his way back to Austin... he said he'll probably be back by Saturday afternoon.. but I really don't know.
Anyways.. waiting for chinese food right now.

Peaceeeee

EDITED 2/1/07 9:15P
Soooo I'm back. I couldn't leave for the night without writing about the little thing that happened las--- well this morning.
Canuco [Marvin] (one of my boyfriend's friend) called me at like 12 something and was like telling me to come outside so I could go with him so we could """HANGOUT""" yeah rite. He must think I'm retarded little retarded motherfucker. He pisses me off because I don't know how many times I said, "Do you not understand that I have a boyfriend?? Not to mention he's one of your friends! I'm not going anywherrreeee with you unless he's with me." And afterwards he continued on with "ALL THE TIME YOU'RE PLAYING WITH ME!" Haha I neverrrr played with him and not sexually either. He's singleminded. I solely talked to him just to be friends with him because that's the type of person I am. Not to have sex with him, no friends w/benefits crap, nada mas. Only friends! But I guess he misinterpreted me or something. Thats too bad for him I guess.
Oh well. & My bf still hasn't called. It's making me worry.
Nite♥

Hijo de la Luna

I'm exhausted from one day of school.
My head hurts.
Doctor tomorrow.
Nite

Molestation, Life

I hate bringing up old memories. But I was reading some women's life experiences.. so I figured I should write a bit about mine.
I guess part of the reason why I'm kind of "messed up" is because of my mom. For the longest time and I have to admit, even now, I blame her for all the things that are wrong with me. She's the one that had me in a broken home, she's the one who stayed with a man for NINE YEARS that wasn't good for her, she did all of this that has lead to a mentally unfocused sixteen-year old girl.
I don't remember much about how it all started but I was told that when I was probably a toddler, my cousin who was maybe 16 at the time started sexually harrassing me. (My family and I found this out when I was 13) I had to be checked for Hepatitis because of this.
Next would be my family convincing me that I was being molested by my mother's commonlaw husband. Honestly, I don't remember. He treated me good most of the time, otherwise it was like a huge spectrum. From really good to horribly bad. I remember one time he told me he was going to buy me a human collar like just to take me outside as if I were a dog, because I was being curious and burned a small piece of carpet. Otherwise I was beaten and verbally harrassed by him. I always thought about running away. If I would have been older I probably would have done it.
His friend were ... weird to me at the time. One of them, I don't remember his name, had a girlfriend what would tell me to lose weight everytime I saw her. I would think to myself "that'll happen when you stop opening your legs". I remember several times me my mother and her CL husband, Lawrence would have to stay with him for a while. We'd probably lost our home or something.

My mother made a lot of stupid decisions. She was really into her life when I was growing up. Several times I came home from school and no one would be around. We didn't have a phone, (sometimes we did) so no call of where she was. I'd be home alone for hours into the night. It was scary for a 9 year old such as myself. If I had asked to go out (like I do now and have to literally beg) she did, and would have said yes probably just to get me out of the house I think. I don't know where her recent overprotectiveness has come from, but it was never there before. Since I turned 16 and told her that I'm sexually active, she's tightened the leash a lot more. I guess she doesn't want me to be like her, but I think from watching her stupid immature antics (can you tell I'm still angry?) I'm a whole lot smarter at 16 than she was at 30 or so.

My cousin, Steven, and I were like friends. All cousins should be friends right? Yeah I thought so too. I too, like many girls/women, thought maybe I'd done something whorish to make him think I wanted to be molested by him. I didn't. I felt bad when I felt I told on him. No one really believed me anyway so it didn't matter to me after a while. This lead to me being a whole lot more shy. I didn't really talk to anyone. But I had a want for something more in life. Then we moved to Texas.

Texas was supposed to be like the best place ever. My mom decided to move here where my aunts and grandmother live... probably because she didn't have anyone else, Lawrence up and left (but called here looking for me and her a month later) a couple months before. Life here was better. There's no doubting that. This was... 11-13 and 14 years old>>
Skipping to my eighth grade and freshman year....

In november of my eighth grade year I met a guy. I'll never forget this guy I think. His name was Alex. I loved Alex soo much. He was "my first" real sexual experience. A week before we did it, he said "we don't need to do this, only if you want". I had to convince him that I wanted it. I just wanted to get being a "virgin" over with. I didn't see the point. I'm just glad I did it with him. We lasted for 5 months and that was an eternity to me. I broke up with him a week after my birthday because I didn't feel like he was giving me enough attention. I felt horrible, he was crying. I wish I hadn't have done it, but I was mad. Me breaking up with him began a weird stage of my life. Before and a little bit into the summer of '05 I was "badd" haha. I began sleeping with one of my best friend's brothers. I thought he liked me, but in the end it didn't matter. She found out and we stopped talking. Once, I even went to a hotel with a 21 year old guy I met and slept with him. I was only 15 years old. I was so confused and just doing stuff to do it. I think I stopped when my other best friend's mom's boyfriend tried having sex with me and I refused (that was a first; he will come back up in this story so.. his name is Luis).

I stopped having sex for a while, because I met someone.. his name was Juan. Juan was like seriously a "dream-boy" to me. He was sweet and funny and half hispanic. The sucky thing about him is that he lives in Oregon, and O-town and Texas are NOT close. So we stuck to talking on the phone for hours at a time almost everyday. We talked about everything.
Then he introduced me to his best friend Ricky. I don't know why but me and Juan stopped talking and I started talking to Ricky. Ricky and I stopped talking and I just gave up on guys I guess..
Now we're at freshman year second semester.
March 7, 2006- my sixteenth. I walk into my house and theres a guy standing there. He jumps out my window. My house is totally upside down. It was horrible.
We moved two weeks later to Plano. I kind of hated it. The school that is. I figure I had to make up some kind of fun for myself seeing as I left all my friends and my family's farther away.
So it definitely took me a longgg time but in sophomore year end of first semester (around Christmastime) my best friend calls me (at the time she lived in Oregon with family and her baby, Carina) and tells me to talk to her boyfriend- Hionjer (pronounced yonjel) and his friend, Gerson- (pronounced Herson). I didn't think anything of it, and ended up getting a spanish language exercise because neither one speak english lol. They wanted me to come with them to this club called 2009 (its a latin club) and go dancing. I said yes. Haha. It was the best fun I'd had in the longestttt time. Then around 230 or 3 in the morning we were going back to their apartment because I knew I wouldn't be able to go home at that hour (I brought clothes so my mom said I could "stay with Mariana" thats where she thought I'd be lol). I was drunk and not paying attention so I gave in to having sex. Then Hionjer came in, I didn't know what the hell he was doing-atfirst. I was soo out of it that I ended up in a 3-some that I couldn't get out of. I also didn't think Hionjer was wearing any protection.. I felt horrible and have yet to tell my best friend. Then Gerson kept asking me out. I gave into that too. I didn't know he'd be a sexaholic. He literally needs it. I don't know if thats true or not but he... I don't know it's hard to say no.
Then a couple weeks ago, I felt like doing something bad, so I went to Gerson's friends' house. (This is where Luis comes back) Luis and Marlon invited me over, helped me get drunk, and out of my clothing. I shouldn't have been drunk. I had been thinking I was pregnant from before, but especially after this time, I really did think this. I slept with my boyfriend the next night. My boobs were really sore for the next two weeks and I missed my period so I still thought that I was pregnant.
And now...
I've been having bad cramps and bleeding so I won't know what's going on until Thursday at my doctor.

Wow that was long.
I'm going to sleep.

Porque no Llamas???

My friend just called basically asking that. I was like *bleep* what's your problem?
HE NEVER CALLS ME EITHER UNTIL RECENTLY:
And only to bother me about if I've called my boyfriend. Like he's freaking jealous or something. Jealous is NOT something I find cute & especially not when I'm not dating a guy. I think it's kinda funny at first but then it's annoying.
Obviously I'm not at school. They have like webblocks or whatever.
But I'm tired and I hurt so peaceoutt

A Legend in my own Mind

Really I am.
My cat's got some problems. I mean any cat that has the name Graciela Ramirez Shaniqua Joan or "Graycee" isn't going to be normal huh?

I had to come home early from school today because I had a KILLER headache and I just basically hurt all over. When I was walking down the stairs I thought I was going to fall so I took the slowest time getting down and people started cursing lol. I thought it was funny but I'd rather people be annoyed than fall flat on my face.

So I just ordered some Chinese food from my favorite Chinese food place. It's really close, but I always get it delivered anyway. It's tradition. And I heart the delivery guy he's adorable. My mom doesn't like him because he always asks if she wants her 25 cents back. She finds that annoying.

I've got a doctor's appointment Thursday. I'm kind of nervous. I don't know what she's going to say. I don't want my mom to be the in the room with me. Or at least I want to be able to speak to her (my doctor) without my mom being around. It's important because I want to be able to ask some questions and stuff. Like how I'm crossed over whether I want to be put on birth control or not. (I can actually get it from Planned Parenthood w/o my mom's permission for like 40 bucks my aunt'd take me.)

Well my head's hurting again and NSAIDS aren't working.. as of yet anyway and I've got a feeling my chinese is on it's way so I'll be making an entry later... or sometime tomorrow.
Peaceoutttthomesssssss

Edited 1/29/07 949P
Soooooo
I'm back.
I knew I would be. My head definitely doesn't hurt as much anymore, but then now I have to work extra extra harder for my choir, 10random, and student life divider.
Gosh right?
Yup I know.
I'm actually thinking about dressing nicely tomorrow. It'd be a change from what I actually was thinking of wearing- sweats, again.
I love sweatpants, sweatshirts, but I hate sweating. It's nasty.
Anyways.. yeah.
Maybe by tomorrow I'll have an excuse for what I'm going to do this weekend.
Nite ♥

Dame

Oh my gosh I don't feel like going to school tomorrow.
My stomach feels like it's going to blow. This is not like my past two periods. Well actually it is. Except I haven't had cramps. Or cramps bad enough where I have to kneel over.
So I don't know.
The eleven tests still stand I guess?

I love Polaroids Of Polarbears.

It's actually a song...
Today will be an italicized day.
My boyfriend woke me up at four o'clock this morning to talk to me. I was like omgggg its waaaayyy too early. Then I realized [this is going to be waay too much information but it was like SUCESSSS to me] I got my period.
At four o'clock in the morning on January 28. I got my first period of the year. It was hiding because I need to stop having sex. Haha. It's actually not funny. I do. Otherwise I'll have more scares.
The sad thing is, that when I was younger like 14-15. I NEVERRR had scares. I was super young and stupid and never was afraid of missing a period. It wasn't even regular. I'm obviously still not.. but whatever.
Anyways so what was he talking about?
- "Te amo nena!!!!! Estas escuchando??? TE AMOOOOO!"
- "Omg Estoy escuchando! Que hora es?"
-" No se.."
-"Cuatro [omg im gonna die]"
Thats just a teeny bit. He kept talking for about an hour and how much me extrana y mucho mas. Tiene problemas a veces pero especialmente cuando esta tomando. No me gusta cuando esta tomando porque tiene mas problemas y quiere hablar a las cuatro de la manana.
Then he wanted me to call him at like 8 this morning. I woke my mom up to tell her that my period came and we started talking so by the time all that was done it was like almost 5 or so. I'm ready to sleep and I try to remind myself to wake back up around 8 or 9. I get up at 930 or 10 and his phone is turned off. WTF. I wasnt pissed but then I called the nail salon and they're CLOSED
NOOOOOOOOO!
PORQUE ESTAS COSAS HAPPEN TO ME??? No se porque pero ahorita me duele mi estomago [cramps] y tengo sueno.
Oh yeahh and he called me about half an hour ago asking what I'm doing. I couldn't barely hear him so I gave up when he said he had to go.
This entry was a little bit pointless but at least i'll remember it.
:)

Edited 1/28/07 At 314P
I'll be getting that fill tomorrow. I'm ready!!!!
I'm glad I decided not to do anything this weekend, because it would be kind of jacked by now.
Now I'm going to plug in my ipod, convince my mom to let me buy two songs, and pump up the volumeeee.
Peacefolk :)

Don't Get It Twisted

No te confundas
Whichever language you use, english or spanish it sounds mean to me. I'd hate to be used like that...

I was going to go get a fill earlier but it started raining so it bogged down my mood. My mom left with some guy she just met. She said she's met him before but Im not so sure of that.
Sometimes I wonder about her.
She's not all there. That's kind of mean but really true.
+ This is from a myspace post I made
++++++


Wow Texas weather is soo unpredictable.One minute its really sunny and happy weather.Next its raining hard.Psh.I'm not doing anything this weekend. Just to stop myself from stressing.The boyfriend's not back yet. He says I don't miss him because I don't call. Then he starts laughing and says hes bromeando.I swear I feel like I'm in a jealous marriage and we've only been together for almost two months.Lol joking. It's really not as bad as I'm making it sound. He's funny.Next weekend is gonna be da bombbbbdiggityyyyy.:-)EVERYONE is gona be there! Even my bffff Cassandra. She came back to Texas.Okay hope everyone has a good weekend!

First and Foremost

I totally don't want my mother reading this. I bet I'll pour my whole heart into it and I don't want her being surprised into a heart attack or anything.

So why'd I get this?

It's easier than keeping a paper one.

- I type fast than I write

- Mother can find the written one easier [and im tired of hiding it]

So today----

School of course was fine I guess.

Actually it didn't even go that easily. I had to memorize a sheet of sentences and questions that I had to present in front of the class that I just wrote yesterday. I hate memorizing things. It makes me spaztic. Being a sophomore with the workload of a grown man doesn't help either. I'm not totally saying that I have the heaviest workload out of all of my classmates (that'd be a complete lie I'm about in the middle) but recently it's gotten worse and it's pretty much all my fault.

Sex is not for teenagers. I mean yeah it feels great and everything but then the reprecussions are horrible. The possibility of maybe being pregnant depending on the situation and an MIA period doesn't make anything better. But eleven pregnancy tests say no. I'm having a blood test done next Thursday to make sure though. The sad thing is I was using condoms and I still freak out. I don't even want the idea of anything going in there ever again.

Anyways... yeah that doesn't make all the school work go away, or any lighter. It makes everything heavier on my plate and like I said, it's all my fault.

:) I'm sooo smart aren't I?

Everytime I try explaining to my boyfriend the reasons why I pretty much want to abstain from sex for the rest of my life (Me and kids don't mix), he kind of "doesn't hear me". It's kind of funny because I see the look in his eyes when he's ready. He SOOO determined. It's almost hilarious, but of course I don't laugh. Maybe it's just the stereotype but maybe I should stay away from latin guys? I mean almost every one that I know or have dated really enjoy sex. Talking about it, doing it, thinking about it, imagining it. Whatever. They seem to love it. Except for one of my ex's. He told me I didn't have to if I wasn't ready. So it's not a surprise I'm not over him. <<<<--- That's probably the reason I feel the need to "give myself up" almost every time I am with my current boyfriend. I don't feel he'll love me the same or something.

That's an interesting concept. A really sad one too.

Anyways... Pretty good for a first post!
Peace Out Homes