Brakin' Up

So I'm kind of messed up right now.
I called him earlier and he answered, he called me around 5 and I answered. I texted him almost half an hour ago and he doesn't answer. I dunno. I kind of am trying to give up now..
Man I feel like I don't have friends. It hurts a lot.
Cassandra called me yesterday.. I don't think I mentioned this. They went to like Cici's or something for her birthday or whatever. Shes all "Yeah I'm going to go get you.. depending on when they leave." I got ready... like 30 minutes pass and I'm like well damn. So I call the number she called me from and it's that ASSHOLE Canuco and he hangs up on me. So I call Luis and I'm like "where are you at"? He says hes on his way to Cici's. So I asked where the hell Cassy was and guess what he says? She's right here u wanna talk to her?
WTF
What the hell happened to me and her going to get something to eat? It pisses me off so badly. She could have called and been like, "Well I can't come get you because they're coming with me or something."
Feel like giving up on her too.
Now Luis isn't even answering me.
It's not even worth it anymore. I keep having suicidal thoughts in my head because whenever I try to help people (not like I'm helping any of them or anything but.. unspecifically) I get fucked over (so not by the same people but I definitely get fucked over)
All I am to those fuckers is a piece of meat.
And for my actions, that's how I deserve to be treated.


I Did It To Myself
Current mood: enraged
I Did This To Myself.
Yepthats my own conclusion.I put up with his shit, which enticed him to do more shit. And I kept putting up with it.I feel like giving up. Just totally not calling him or anything. Dropping it.The problem is.. I still have feelings for him.
I don't understand what his freaking problem is. Who keeps a girlfriend in a whole different country when you don't know when you'll be going back? Who is stupid enough not to delete the freaking messages she leaves you? Who's retarded enough to keep letters exchanged between you next to where your current girlfriend [who actually is a couple miles away instead of a thousand] ALWAYS sits? At least be kind and hide them.
Why did I say be kind? Because honestly, I'd rather not have known. It hurts alot to know that he was borderline not caring whether I found out or not. & he won't even admit that she exists which makes me look crazy.
What's wrong with me? I already know my faults, but I didn't think those would interfere with anything. Why ask me to be your girlfriend if you're going to hide things from me?
The thing that hurts me the most is that... on the inside I knew, but I wouldn't admit it. Then the second thing that hurts alot is that he doesn't even want to talk to me about it.So I give up.