I'm exhausted from one day of school.
My head hurts.
Doctor tomorrow.
Nite
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Molestation, Life
I hate bringing up old memories. But I was reading some women's life experiences.. so I figured I should write a bit about mine.
I guess part of the reason why I'm kind of "messed up" is because of my mom. For the longest time and I have to admit, even now, I blame her for all the things that are wrong with me. She's the one that had me in a broken home, she's the one who stayed with a man for NINE YEARS that wasn't good for her, she did all of this that has lead to a mentally unfocused sixteen-year old girl.
I don't remember much about how it all started but I was told that when I was probably a toddler, my cousin who was maybe 16 at the time started sexually harrassing me. (My family and I found this out when I was 13) I had to be checked for Hepatitis because of this.
Next would be my family convincing me that I was being molested by my mother's commonlaw husband. Honestly, I don't remember. He treated me good most of the time, otherwise it was like a huge spectrum. From really good to horribly bad. I remember one time he told me he was going to buy me a human collar like just to take me outside as if I were a dog, because I was being curious and burned a small piece of carpet. Otherwise I was beaten and verbally harrassed by him. I always thought about running away. If I would have been older I probably would have done it.
His friend were ... weird to me at the time. One of them, I don't remember his name, had a girlfriend what would tell me to lose weight everytime I saw her. I would think to myself "that'll happen when you stop opening your legs". I remember several times me my mother and her CL husband, Lawrence would have to stay with him for a while. We'd probably lost our home or something.
My mother made a lot of stupid decisions. She was really into her life when I was growing up. Several times I came home from school and no one would be around. We didn't have a phone, (sometimes we did) so no call of where she was. I'd be home alone for hours into the night. It was scary for a 9 year old such as myself. If I had asked to go out (like I do now and have to literally beg) she did, and would have said yes probably just to get me out of the house I think. I don't know where her recent overprotectiveness has come from, but it was never there before. Since I turned 16 and told her that I'm sexually active, she's tightened the leash a lot more. I guess she doesn't want me to be like her, but I think from watching her stupid immature antics (can you tell I'm still angry?) I'm a whole lot smarter at 16 than she was at 30 or so.
My cousin, Steven, and I were like friends. All cousins should be friends right? Yeah I thought so too. I too, like many girls/women, thought maybe I'd done something whorish to make him think I wanted to be molested by him. I didn't. I felt bad when I felt I told on him. No one really believed me anyway so it didn't matter to me after a while. This lead to me being a whole lot more shy. I didn't really talk to anyone. But I had a want for something more in life. Then we moved to Texas.
Texas was supposed to be like the best place ever. My mom decided to move here where my aunts and grandmother live... probably because she didn't have anyone else, Lawrence up and left (but called here looking for me and her a month later) a couple months before. Life here was better. There's no doubting that. This was... 11-13 and 14 years old>>
Skipping to my eighth grade and freshman year....
In november of my eighth grade year I met a guy. I'll never forget this guy I think. His name was Alex. I loved Alex soo much. He was "my first" real sexual experience. A week before we did it, he said "we don't need to do this, only if you want". I had to convince him that I wanted it. I just wanted to get being a "virgin" over with. I didn't see the point. I'm just glad I did it with him. We lasted for 5 months and that was an eternity to me. I broke up with him a week after my birthday because I didn't feel like he was giving me enough attention. I felt horrible, he was crying. I wish I hadn't have done it, but I was mad. Me breaking up with him began a weird stage of my life. Before and a little bit into the summer of '05 I was "badd" haha. I began sleeping with one of my best friend's brothers. I thought he liked me, but in the end it didn't matter. She found out and we stopped talking. Once, I even went to a hotel with a 21 year old guy I met and slept with him. I was only 15 years old. I was so confused and just doing stuff to do it. I think I stopped when my other best friend's mom's boyfriend tried having sex with me and I refused (that was a first; he will come back up in this story so.. his name is Luis).
I stopped having sex for a while, because I met someone.. his name was Juan. Juan was like seriously a "dream-boy" to me. He was sweet and funny and half hispanic. The sucky thing about him is that he lives in Oregon, and O-town and Texas are NOT close. So we stuck to talking on the phone for hours at a time almost everyday. We talked about everything.
Then he introduced me to his best friend Ricky. I don't know why but me and Juan stopped talking and I started talking to Ricky. Ricky and I stopped talking and I just gave up on guys I guess..
Now we're at freshman year second semester.
March 7, 2006- my sixteenth. I walk into my house and theres a guy standing there. He jumps out my window. My house is totally upside down. It was horrible.
We moved two weeks later to Plano. I kind of hated it. The school that is. I figure I had to make up some kind of fun for myself seeing as I left all my friends and my family's farther away.
So it definitely took me a longgg time but in sophomore year end of first semester (around Christmastime) my best friend calls me (at the time she lived in Oregon with family and her baby, Carina) and tells me to talk to her boyfriend- Hionjer (pronounced yonjel) and his friend, Gerson- (pronounced Herson). I didn't think anything of it, and ended up getting a spanish language exercise because neither one speak english lol. They wanted me to come with them to this club called 2009 (its a latin club) and go dancing. I said yes. Haha. It was the best fun I'd had in the longestttt time. Then around 230 or 3 in the morning we were going back to their apartment because I knew I wouldn't be able to go home at that hour (I brought clothes so my mom said I could "stay with Mariana" thats where she thought I'd be lol). I was drunk and not paying attention so I gave in to having sex. Then Hionjer came in, I didn't know what the hell he was doing-atfirst. I was soo out of it that I ended up in a 3-some that I couldn't get out of. I also didn't think Hionjer was wearing any protection.. I felt horrible and have yet to tell my best friend. Then Gerson kept asking me out. I gave into that too. I didn't know he'd be a sexaholic. He literally needs it. I don't know if thats true or not but he... I don't know it's hard to say no.
Then a couple weeks ago, I felt like doing something bad, so I went to Gerson's friends' house. (This is where Luis comes back) Luis and Marlon invited me over, helped me get drunk, and out of my clothing. I shouldn't have been drunk. I had been thinking I was pregnant from before, but especially after this time, I really did think this. I slept with my boyfriend the next night. My boobs were really sore for the next two weeks and I missed my period so I still thought that I was pregnant.
And now...
I've been having bad cramps and bleeding so I won't know what's going on until Thursday at my doctor.
Wow that was long.
I'm going to sleep.
I guess part of the reason why I'm kind of "messed up" is because of my mom. For the longest time and I have to admit, even now, I blame her for all the things that are wrong with me. She's the one that had me in a broken home, she's the one who stayed with a man for NINE YEARS that wasn't good for her, she did all of this that has lead to a mentally unfocused sixteen-year old girl.
I don't remember much about how it all started but I was told that when I was probably a toddler, my cousin who was maybe 16 at the time started sexually harrassing me. (My family and I found this out when I was 13) I had to be checked for Hepatitis because of this.
Next would be my family convincing me that I was being molested by my mother's commonlaw husband. Honestly, I don't remember. He treated me good most of the time, otherwise it was like a huge spectrum. From really good to horribly bad. I remember one time he told me he was going to buy me a human collar like just to take me outside as if I were a dog, because I was being curious and burned a small piece of carpet. Otherwise I was beaten and verbally harrassed by him. I always thought about running away. If I would have been older I probably would have done it.
His friend were ... weird to me at the time. One of them, I don't remember his name, had a girlfriend what would tell me to lose weight everytime I saw her. I would think to myself "that'll happen when you stop opening your legs". I remember several times me my mother and her CL husband, Lawrence would have to stay with him for a while. We'd probably lost our home or something.
My mother made a lot of stupid decisions. She was really into her life when I was growing up. Several times I came home from school and no one would be around. We didn't have a phone, (sometimes we did) so no call of where she was. I'd be home alone for hours into the night. It was scary for a 9 year old such as myself. If I had asked to go out (like I do now and have to literally beg) she did, and would have said yes probably just to get me out of the house I think. I don't know where her recent overprotectiveness has come from, but it was never there before. Since I turned 16 and told her that I'm sexually active, she's tightened the leash a lot more. I guess she doesn't want me to be like her, but I think from watching her stupid immature antics (can you tell I'm still angry?) I'm a whole lot smarter at 16 than she was at 30 or so.
My cousin, Steven, and I were like friends. All cousins should be friends right? Yeah I thought so too. I too, like many girls/women, thought maybe I'd done something whorish to make him think I wanted to be molested by him. I didn't. I felt bad when I felt I told on him. No one really believed me anyway so it didn't matter to me after a while. This lead to me being a whole lot more shy. I didn't really talk to anyone. But I had a want for something more in life. Then we moved to Texas.
Texas was supposed to be like the best place ever. My mom decided to move here where my aunts and grandmother live... probably because she didn't have anyone else, Lawrence up and left (but called here looking for me and her a month later) a couple months before. Life here was better. There's no doubting that. This was... 11-13 and 14 years old>>
Skipping to my eighth grade and freshman year....
In november of my eighth grade year I met a guy. I'll never forget this guy I think. His name was Alex. I loved Alex soo much. He was "my first" real sexual experience. A week before we did it, he said "we don't need to do this, only if you want". I had to convince him that I wanted it. I just wanted to get being a "virgin" over with. I didn't see the point. I'm just glad I did it with him. We lasted for 5 months and that was an eternity to me. I broke up with him a week after my birthday because I didn't feel like he was giving me enough attention. I felt horrible, he was crying. I wish I hadn't have done it, but I was mad. Me breaking up with him began a weird stage of my life. Before and a little bit into the summer of '05 I was "badd" haha. I began sleeping with one of my best friend's brothers. I thought he liked me, but in the end it didn't matter. She found out and we stopped talking. Once, I even went to a hotel with a 21 year old guy I met and slept with him. I was only 15 years old. I was so confused and just doing stuff to do it. I think I stopped when my other best friend's mom's boyfriend tried having sex with me and I refused (that was a first; he will come back up in this story so.. his name is Luis).
I stopped having sex for a while, because I met someone.. his name was Juan. Juan was like seriously a "dream-boy" to me. He was sweet and funny and half hispanic. The sucky thing about him is that he lives in Oregon, and O-town and Texas are NOT close. So we stuck to talking on the phone for hours at a time almost everyday. We talked about everything.
Then he introduced me to his best friend Ricky. I don't know why but me and Juan stopped talking and I started talking to Ricky. Ricky and I stopped talking and I just gave up on guys I guess..
Now we're at freshman year second semester.
March 7, 2006- my sixteenth. I walk into my house and theres a guy standing there. He jumps out my window. My house is totally upside down. It was horrible.
We moved two weeks later to Plano. I kind of hated it. The school that is. I figure I had to make up some kind of fun for myself seeing as I left all my friends and my family's farther away.
So it definitely took me a longgg time but in sophomore year end of first semester (around Christmastime) my best friend calls me (at the time she lived in Oregon with family and her baby, Carina) and tells me to talk to her boyfriend- Hionjer (pronounced yonjel) and his friend, Gerson- (pronounced Herson). I didn't think anything of it, and ended up getting a spanish language exercise because neither one speak english lol. They wanted me to come with them to this club called 2009 (its a latin club) and go dancing. I said yes. Haha. It was the best fun I'd had in the longestttt time. Then around 230 or 3 in the morning we were going back to their apartment because I knew I wouldn't be able to go home at that hour (I brought clothes so my mom said I could "stay with Mariana" thats where she thought I'd be lol). I was drunk and not paying attention so I gave in to having sex. Then Hionjer came in, I didn't know what the hell he was doing-atfirst. I was soo out of it that I ended up in a 3-some that I couldn't get out of. I also didn't think Hionjer was wearing any protection.. I felt horrible and have yet to tell my best friend. Then Gerson kept asking me out. I gave into that too. I didn't know he'd be a sexaholic. He literally needs it. I don't know if thats true or not but he... I don't know it's hard to say no.
Then a couple weeks ago, I felt like doing something bad, so I went to Gerson's friends' house. (This is where Luis comes back) Luis and Marlon invited me over, helped me get drunk, and out of my clothing. I shouldn't have been drunk. I had been thinking I was pregnant from before, but especially after this time, I really did think this. I slept with my boyfriend the next night. My boobs were really sore for the next two weeks and I missed my period so I still thought that I was pregnant.
And now...
I've been having bad cramps and bleeding so I won't know what's going on until Thursday at my doctor.
Wow that was long.
I'm going to sleep.
Porque no Llamas???
My friend just called basically asking that. I was like *bleep* what's your problem?
HE NEVER CALLS ME EITHER UNTIL RECENTLY:
And only to bother me about if I've called my boyfriend. Like he's freaking jealous or something. Jealous is NOT something I find cute & especially not when I'm not dating a guy. I think it's kinda funny at first but then it's annoying.
Obviously I'm not at school. They have like webblocks or whatever.
But I'm tired and I hurt so peaceoutt
HE NEVER CALLS ME EITHER UNTIL RECENTLY:
And only to bother me about if I've called my boyfriend. Like he's freaking jealous or something. Jealous is NOT something I find cute & especially not when I'm not dating a guy. I think it's kinda funny at first but then it's annoying.
Obviously I'm not at school. They have like webblocks or whatever.
But I'm tired and I hurt so peaceoutt
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Legend in my own Mind
Really I am.
My cat's got some problems. I mean any cat that has the name Graciela Ramirez Shaniqua Joan or "Graycee" isn't going to be normal huh?
I had to come home early from school today because I had a KILLER headache and I just basically hurt all over. When I was walking down the stairs I thought I was going to fall so I took the slowest time getting down and people started cursing lol. I thought it was funny but I'd rather people be annoyed than fall flat on my face.
So I just ordered some Chinese food from my favorite Chinese food place. It's really close, but I always get it delivered anyway. It's tradition. And I heart the delivery guy he's adorable. My mom doesn't like him because he always asks if she wants her 25 cents back. She finds that annoying.
I've got a doctor's appointment Thursday. I'm kind of nervous. I don't know what she's going to say. I don't want my mom to be the in the room with me. Or at least I want to be able to speak to her (my doctor) without my mom being around. It's important because I want to be able to ask some questions and stuff. Like how I'm crossed over whether I want to be put on birth control or not. (I can actually get it from Planned Parenthood w/o my mom's permission for like 40 bucks my aunt'd take me.)
Well my head's hurting again and NSAIDS aren't working.. as of yet anyway and I've got a feeling my chinese is on it's way so I'll be making an entry later... or sometime tomorrow.
Peaceoutttthomesssssss
Edited 1/29/07 949P
Soooooo
I'm back.
I knew I would be. My head definitely doesn't hurt as much anymore, but then now I have to work extra extra harder for my choir, 10random, and student life divider.
Gosh right?
Yup I know.
I'm actually thinking about dressing nicely tomorrow. It'd be a change from what I actually was thinking of wearing- sweats, again.
I love sweatpants, sweatshirts, but I hate sweating. It's nasty.
Anyways.. yeah.
Maybe by tomorrow I'll have an excuse for what I'm going to do this weekend.
Nite ♥
My cat's got some problems. I mean any cat that has the name Graciela Ramirez Shaniqua Joan or "Graycee" isn't going to be normal huh?
I had to come home early from school today because I had a KILLER headache and I just basically hurt all over. When I was walking down the stairs I thought I was going to fall so I took the slowest time getting down and people started cursing lol. I thought it was funny but I'd rather people be annoyed than fall flat on my face.
So I just ordered some Chinese food from my favorite Chinese food place. It's really close, but I always get it delivered anyway. It's tradition. And I heart the delivery guy he's adorable. My mom doesn't like him because he always asks if she wants her 25 cents back. She finds that annoying.
I've got a doctor's appointment Thursday. I'm kind of nervous. I don't know what she's going to say. I don't want my mom to be the in the room with me. Or at least I want to be able to speak to her (my doctor) without my mom being around. It's important because I want to be able to ask some questions and stuff. Like how I'm crossed over whether I want to be put on birth control or not. (I can actually get it from Planned Parenthood w/o my mom's permission for like 40 bucks my aunt'd take me.)
Well my head's hurting again and NSAIDS aren't working.. as of yet anyway and I've got a feeling my chinese is on it's way so I'll be making an entry later... or sometime tomorrow.
Peaceoutttthomesssssss
Edited 1/29/07 949P
Soooooo
I'm back.
I knew I would be. My head definitely doesn't hurt as much anymore, but then now I have to work extra extra harder for my choir, 10random, and student life divider.
Gosh right?
Yup I know.
I'm actually thinking about dressing nicely tomorrow. It'd be a change from what I actually was thinking of wearing- sweats, again.
I love sweatpants, sweatshirts, but I hate sweating. It's nasty.
Anyways.. yeah.
Maybe by tomorrow I'll have an excuse for what I'm going to do this weekend.
Nite ♥
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Dame
Oh my gosh I don't feel like going to school tomorrow.
My stomach feels like it's going to blow. This is not like my past two periods. Well actually it is. Except I haven't had cramps. Or cramps bad enough where I have to kneel over.
So I don't know.
The eleven tests still stand I guess?
My stomach feels like it's going to blow. This is not like my past two periods. Well actually it is. Except I haven't had cramps. Or cramps bad enough where I have to kneel over.
So I don't know.
The eleven tests still stand I guess?
I love Polaroids Of Polarbears.
It's actually a song...
Today will be an italicized day.
My boyfriend woke me up at four o'clock this morning to talk to me. I was like omgggg its waaaayyy too early. Then I realized [this is going to be waay too much information but it was like SUCESSSS to me] I got my period.
At four o'clock in the morning on January 28. I got my first period of the year. It was hiding because I need to stop having sex. Haha. It's actually not funny. I do. Otherwise I'll have more scares.
The sad thing is, that when I was younger like 14-15. I NEVERRR had scares. I was super young and stupid and never was afraid of missing a period. It wasn't even regular. I'm obviously still not.. but whatever.
Anyways so what was he talking about?
- "Te amo nena!!!!! Estas escuchando??? TE AMOOOOO!"
- "Omg Estoy escuchando! Que hora es?"
-" No se.."
-"Cuatro [omg im gonna die]"
Thats just a teeny bit. He kept talking for about an hour and how much me extrana y mucho mas. Tiene problemas a veces pero especialmente cuando esta tomando. No me gusta cuando esta tomando porque tiene mas problemas y quiere hablar a las cuatro de la manana.
Then he wanted me to call him at like 8 this morning. I woke my mom up to tell her that my period came and we started talking so by the time all that was done it was like almost 5 or so. I'm ready to sleep and I try to remind myself to wake back up around 8 or 9. I get up at 930 or 10 and his phone is turned off. WTF. I wasnt pissed but then I called the nail salon and they're CLOSED
NOOOOOOOOO!
PORQUE ESTAS COSAS HAPPEN TO ME??? No se porque pero ahorita me duele mi estomago [cramps] y tengo sueno.
Oh yeahh and he called me about half an hour ago asking what I'm doing. I couldn't barely hear him so I gave up when he said he had to go.
This entry was a little bit pointless but at least i'll remember it.
:)
Edited 1/28/07 At 314P
I'll be getting that fill tomorrow. I'm ready!!!!
I'm glad I decided not to do anything this weekend, because it would be kind of jacked by now.
Now I'm going to plug in my ipod, convince my mom to let me buy two songs, and pump up the volumeeee.
Peacefolk :)
Today will be an italicized day.
My boyfriend woke me up at four o'clock this morning to talk to me. I was like omgggg its waaaayyy too early. Then I realized [this is going to be waay too much information but it was like SUCESSSS to me] I got my period.
At four o'clock in the morning on January 28. I got my first period of the year. It was hiding because I need to stop having sex. Haha. It's actually not funny. I do. Otherwise I'll have more scares.
The sad thing is, that when I was younger like 14-15. I NEVERRR had scares. I was super young and stupid and never was afraid of missing a period. It wasn't even regular. I'm obviously still not.. but whatever.
Anyways so what was he talking about?
- "Te amo nena!!!!! Estas escuchando??? TE AMOOOOO!"
- "Omg Estoy escuchando! Que hora es?"
-" No se.."
-"Cuatro [omg im gonna die]"
Thats just a teeny bit. He kept talking for about an hour and how much me extrana y mucho mas. Tiene problemas a veces pero especialmente cuando esta tomando. No me gusta cuando esta tomando porque tiene mas problemas y quiere hablar a las cuatro de la manana.
Then he wanted me to call him at like 8 this morning. I woke my mom up to tell her that my period came and we started talking so by the time all that was done it was like almost 5 or so. I'm ready to sleep and I try to remind myself to wake back up around 8 or 9. I get up at 930 or 10 and his phone is turned off. WTF. I wasnt pissed but then I called the nail salon and they're CLOSED
NOOOOOOOOO!
PORQUE ESTAS COSAS HAPPEN TO ME??? No se porque pero ahorita me duele mi estomago [cramps] y tengo sueno.
Oh yeahh and he called me about half an hour ago asking what I'm doing. I couldn't barely hear him so I gave up when he said he had to go.
This entry was a little bit pointless but at least i'll remember it.
:)
Edited 1/28/07 At 314P
I'll be getting that fill tomorrow. I'm ready!!!!
I'm glad I decided not to do anything this weekend, because it would be kind of jacked by now.
Now I'm going to plug in my ipod, convince my mom to let me buy two songs, and pump up the volumeeee.
Peacefolk :)
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Don't Get It Twisted
No te confundas
Whichever language you use, english or spanish it sounds mean to me. I'd hate to be used like that...
I was going to go get a fill earlier but it started raining so it bogged down my mood. My mom left with some guy she just met. She said she's met him before but Im not so sure of that.
Sometimes I wonder about her.
She's not all there. That's kind of mean but really true.
+ This is from a myspace post I made
++++++
Wow Texas weather is soo unpredictable.One minute its really sunny and happy weather.Next its raining hard.Psh.I'm not doing anything this weekend. Just to stop myself from stressing.The boyfriend's not back yet. He says I don't miss him because I don't call. Then he starts laughing and says hes bromeando.I swear I feel like I'm in a jealous marriage and we've only been together for almost two months.Lol joking. It's really not as bad as I'm making it sound. He's funny.Next weekend is gonna be da bombbbbdiggityyyyy.:-)EVERYONE is gona be there! Even my bffff Cassandra. She came back to Texas.Okay hope everyone has a good weekend!
Whichever language you use, english or spanish it sounds mean to me. I'd hate to be used like that...
I was going to go get a fill earlier but it started raining so it bogged down my mood. My mom left with some guy she just met. She said she's met him before but Im not so sure of that.
Sometimes I wonder about her.
She's not all there. That's kind of mean but really true.
+ This is from a myspace post I made
++++++
Wow Texas weather is soo unpredictable.One minute its really sunny and happy weather.Next its raining hard.Psh.I'm not doing anything this weekend. Just to stop myself from stressing.The boyfriend's not back yet. He says I don't miss him because I don't call. Then he starts laughing and says hes bromeando.I swear I feel like I'm in a jealous marriage and we've only been together for almost two months.Lol joking. It's really not as bad as I'm making it sound. He's funny.Next weekend is gonna be da bombbbbdiggityyyyy.:-)EVERYONE is gona be there! Even my bffff Cassandra. She came back to Texas.Okay hope everyone has a good weekend!
Friday, January 26, 2007
First and Foremost
I totally don't want my mother reading this. I bet I'll pour my whole heart into it and I don't want her being surprised into a heart attack or anything.
So why'd I get this?
It's easier than keeping a paper one.
- I type fast than I write
- Mother can find the written one easier [and im tired of hiding it]
So today----
School of course was fine I guess.
Actually it didn't even go that easily. I had to memorize a sheet of sentences and questions that I had to present in front of the class that I just wrote yesterday. I hate memorizing things. It makes me spaztic. Being a sophomore with the workload of a grown man doesn't help either. I'm not totally saying that I have the heaviest workload out of all of my classmates (that'd be a complete lie I'm about in the middle) but recently it's gotten worse and it's pretty much all my fault.
Sex is not for teenagers. I mean yeah it feels great and everything but then the reprecussions are horrible. The possibility of maybe being pregnant depending on the situation and an MIA period doesn't make anything better. But eleven pregnancy tests say no. I'm having a blood test done next Thursday to make sure though. The sad thing is I was using condoms and I still freak out. I don't even want the idea of anything going in there ever again.
Anyways... yeah that doesn't make all the school work go away, or any lighter. It makes everything heavier on my plate and like I said, it's all my fault.
:) I'm sooo smart aren't I?
Everytime I try explaining to my boyfriend the reasons why I pretty much want to abstain from sex for the rest of my life (Me and kids don't mix), he kind of "doesn't hear me". It's kind of funny because I see the look in his eyes when he's ready. He SOOO determined. It's almost hilarious, but of course I don't laugh. Maybe it's just the stereotype but maybe I should stay away from latin guys? I mean almost every one that I know or have dated really enjoy sex. Talking about it, doing it, thinking about it, imagining it. Whatever. They seem to love it. Except for one of my ex's. He told me I didn't have to if I wasn't ready. So it's not a surprise I'm not over him. <<<<--- That's probably the reason I feel the need to "give myself up" almost every time I am with my current boyfriend. I don't feel he'll love me the same or something.
That's an interesting concept. A really sad one too.
Anyways... Pretty good for a first post!
Peace Out Homes
Peace Out Homes
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