I mean.. I know I was walking around pretending like everything was fine, but as soon as I realized I was playing myself, things went waaaay downhill.
I mean I freakin cried on Valentine's Day! Who does that??? Well I did.
It was pretty bad.
And Briana's mad at the whole Elian subject because she doesn't think he's worth my time. But I mean I do like him even though I wish I could switch out his actions for someone else's. I don't know who's.. but someone who actually does things for me.. and makes an effort in our relationship, instead of just coasting as if "she'll be just fine". That she is me, and No. I'm not fine. Mhm.
I called him Friday since I hadn't heard from him, and he hadn't called like he said he would later on Valentine's Night when he "got back from dinner with his mother". He didn't answer. I think I called twice.. once when me and Briana were around Stonebriar, and once in the car. Both I got no answer. I had Briana call from her phone at Stonebriar and GUESS WHAT? He answered. Haha that's horrible! I had her hangup though. And I had her do it again when we were out near Taco Cabana and Starbucks, and she was like asking him questions and I was like "tell him I said hey". Haha and she said, "Ohh hey, your GIRLFRIEND says hey." Haha. He was like What? I thought it was hilariously sad. Briana was pissed. And I spoke to him and was pretty much blowing him off (which of course, was a front for me). I was just pretty much over him playing around and I said I guess I would call him later. He kept asking if I was mad. "You're mad at me aren't you?" "You never believe me."
What the fuck? He gives me these insane lies that he expects me to believe and then I do..
Because I'm just like almost every woman I know. I can't just drop someone I have feelings for until I'm seriously over and done with it.
And I'm not ready to be over and done with him.
So I really don't know what to do. Because I know the next time I speak to him, he's going to sweet talking me with the "I miss yous" and "I wish I was there with yous" and I'm going to take the bait like those dumbass fish I used to catch when I was fourteen.
And complaining about it isn't doing much good. It just relieves me a little bit that I'm acknowledging these facts.
So, please god, let me have a good week?
:)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
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